my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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