all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
