Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
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