So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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