dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Can I color on your dick again?
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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