Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
