Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
