You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize
