Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
