So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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