Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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