Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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