I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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