fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
Randomize
