Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
