trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
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