He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
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