the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
