If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
