when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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