When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
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