I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
