Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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