The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
How many fucks given?
0.12846
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
wow bdsm is so cute
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Randomize
