Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
