She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
