How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
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