PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Randomize
