Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
