can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
