Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
