And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
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