Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
