oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
