Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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