I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
