And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
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