I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
