it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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