I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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