Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
