You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Randomize
