the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
My vagina just clenched in fear
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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