and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
