very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
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