Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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