I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
