I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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