Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Randomize
