You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
