I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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