based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Randomize
