Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
