I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
