I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
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