Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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