I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Someone shattered a urinal.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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