I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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