Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
