I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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