We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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