and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Randomize
